yummyshocks's Diaryland Diary

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ALLOFMYDIARYENTRIES CONTINUED1

EXTRA WRITINGS

MEANDERINGS AND HAIKUS

Meanderings
7/29/16
It's sad, when good people in difficult situations give in to what they themselves deemed the Ultimate Dark Side strictly because of convenience. Overall lesson: never say never. Even after the veil is lifted and truth is revealed, Willful Pride will blur the picture if it means staying blissfully "happy". Pride... is a psychotic MuthaFucker.
7/23/16
I miss the rain
The smell of the morning dew
Arms and legs wrapped around me
Trying to hold on to the warmth
Before bearing the cold
7/22/16
Friday. Best sex episode. Squirting galore. Totally unexpected.
7/3/16
Rant 101: Sometimes people are oblivious that their "well meant" comments can be "lil pretty laced insults". Today I went to a local DSW to get some shoes to attend a special Mother's Day Brunch with the family. As I walked back and forth down the aisles completely frustrated that I couldn't find something inexpensive, in my size and that would pair well with my outfit... finally I'd find something that I wasn't in love with but that would have to do. I waited in line patiently, went up to the teller and as I'm being rung up I can see the lady on my left (an older woman) looking me up and down. Next thing I know she's tapping me on the shoulder and saying "2 tablespoons of vinegar in a cup of water every day in the morning and you'll lose weight. My daughter lost 40 lbs in a month. You're a beautiful girl. Seriously, it'll work." I was dumbfounded. I just smiled (my defense mechanism) and said thank you as I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I was feeling cute but that went away right after those all too familiar "well meaning tips" hit my ears. I know it shouldn't of but it did. I can't help it. There was so much ghost-dialogue that was going on in my head but it stayed there... in my head like always. I thought what kind of backwards comment is this? I'm being told I'm beautiful and in the same second being told what to do to alter my body denoting that it NEEDS changing which then cancels out the positive comment. Isn't beautiful Beautiful PERIOD? I'm pretty sure she meant well, but I didn't go to a shoe store to seek medical advice from a stranger. Sigh. It just irks me.
3/20/2016
They say I have a gift
The gift of words; of Poetry
But alas I am shunned for divulging
For painting uneasy pictures
With deeper thoughts of consciousness
Links, cables, tunnels, routes, mazes, o~c~e~a~n~s
I am labeled mad; deranged
I am ridiculed for thinking
But all the while .I. feel oddly com+plete
Safe in all shades between the light & the darkness of Being... and beyond
I write because I NEED to
Like BREATH; but I am asth-ma-tic nonetheless, beautifully flawed
I need...
To scribble pieces of _me onto the page; release
To become a new entity outside of this vessel that leads a different Play
To be a+part of this grand search of hide and seek
To pull, to gravitate towards
An appreciation of life; my own
Reached from an outside perspective and honed
So love me, dissect me, take from me what is free
Trust me when I say it's genuine; not a leather hyde slaughtered by gain
But do not stifle and reprimand me for the curse of gifts I was thus bestowed upon
Because...
Gifts stifled are gifts lost and wasted to the world
3/19/2016
I was having SUCH a great night and then one single lady ruined it all for me. My smiles and light went away automatically at how rude and callous she was when she walked away. My smile a genuine gift she did not know how to take let alone appreciate. I just kept thinking how wrong the adage of "with age came wisdom." I kept telling myself... DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY! Thankfully I didn't. I just silently ate my food even though I really wanted to leave it all and hide in a dark corner somewhere. I'm in one of my adoptive homes now; safe. It is now they decide to show up and stain my perfectly blushed cheeks. So I must tend to these emotions, smeared mascara and makeup and call it a night.
3/18/2016
I may seem like a pushover but unless you're a mind reader you wouldn't get the privilege to understand the complex mechanics behind my indifferences to your views.
3/18/2016
He kisses me in undulating waves of passion that mixed with love is akin to a religious experience I've never once felt before, ever. He holds me close, wrapped up in his arms like a spiders web with the same delicacy and strength of purpose; I am caught, I am his, he is mine; together we are souls merged in natures latticing. He touches me as though I'm a bouquet of red poppy flowers of Summer's sun-kissed blooms; his delicate fingertips grazing softly up, through and against my paper thin skirt layers until I too blush just as red. His sweet bated breath upon my neck, a silk wispy song so beautiful in its anticipation to its full song once skin to skin is met; all the more worth the wait to lose precious small breaths.
3/7/2016
I'm not afraid to look ugly
That's all I've ever known
Ghastly visage that haunts
Contorting to terrify you
My being; yours to scrutinize
2/23/2016
Amazes me how proud he is of finding them and spending time with them, getting to know them and throwing a party for them. All within one year. That's great. He's happy. But, it's for them, because if them. Not me. Here I am, have been. So close. All along. Knows where I've been. And nothing. What does that say? I'm better off dead to him. Not physically per say (that's not part of his new found Christian way) just somehow erased from his history. It's ok. I'll tell him I can't go. I think he was just being courteous in case I saw pics online and questioned why I wasn't invited. Ha. I think he wouldn't "really" want me there. Even though he's told me before when he just had found them that he mentioned me and they asked to meet me. He has his pretty perfect other daughter(s) and grandson there to show off anyway. I'm just a waste of space.
2:35 p.m. - 2016-08-16

haikus
Haiku's
-Loves Hex- 1/5/16
go, withstand the cold
says her skin is tough; leather
he lies on roses
-Fields of Sugar Cane- 1/19/16
slow like molasses
burned, tortured, extracted, thick
a lilies stamen
-Like Mouths To Saxophones- 1/22/16
strong like women's hips
beware of unbridled smiles
biting down on pears
-Trips To Paradise- 2/6/16
she likes his touch cold
mists hovering over planes
hot engines revving
-Natures Melody- 2/6/15
grasshoppers singing
she weeps for his departure
lions gnaw on bones
-Life's Revolution- 2/9/16
roses placed on graves
in death, clouds weep silently
newborns cries; deafening
-What is, Is; Ab initio- 2/9/16
there's safety in blood
umbilical ties; severed
somewhere... God loses
-Ab intra- 2/9/16
they don't understand
inconsolable fires
spectrums of darkness
3/21/16
When the boats capsize
The men prefer to jump first
When down the bough breaks
3/21/16
Striving towards glory
Blood, sweat, tears; Gift Of The Gods
Lucha Underground
3/21/16
He sings desert songs
There is no trick to loving
So close, yet so far
3/21/16
Weakened by Affairs
Sisters split by DNA
Justified by "Love"
3/21/16
Nursed him back to health
But two wrongs don't make a right
Children lost to pride
-Cobey's Haiku- 5/5/16
Pure, smart, unique; brave
He took a while to get here
I love my lil bro
Reprieve
Always smiling bright
No need to speak; eyes spoke clear
On clouds, bouncing free
Descent 7/4/16
Losing is losing
And I've lost to golden wisps
Wake up Peach; knives pierce
7/4/16
It's my fault, it is
I've been lost and blind in love
She's slipped through the cracks
7/4/16
Here's where stories end
Intent to hurt you, there's none
Salmon swim upstream
7/4/16
Tell me what you want
You're like spiders in my brain
The Loons Song; healing
7/4/16
When twilight gives way
Unraveled beyond the seams
Treasures turn deadly
7/5/16
Please just let me drown
2:36 p.m. - 2016-08-16

3:08 p.m. - 2017-05-03

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